Lots of words – Personal Post Time

Update time!

I’ve been meaning to do one of these for quite a while however I have never really been in the right mood to do so. Lately there have been quite a few downs, so that highly skewed what I was wanting to post. My draft folder has a few posts which will never see the pixels on your screens, but it just felt so much better to type into this box and just vent it out. Not sure why venting via text is more therapeutic than via the spoken word, maybe it’s something to do with the fact that I’ve always felt more comfortable with written communication? Who knows.

So let’s just put some stuff out to air:

I am currently on a 6 month to 12 month leave from my university. To cut a long story short, I just wasn’t motivated to study. I couldn’t bare the idea to drag myself for the 2 hour trip to uni when all I wanted was a break from it. So I’m taking  a break from study and I’m looking for work. This in itself leads to problems which have lead to many a emotional rollercoaster, with more branching thoughts than the messiest mind map I’ve ever drawn up. I have had a few job interviews, but nothing successful. I am waiting on word, hopefully tomorrow, whether I was successful for an interview I had a fortnight ago. It’s hard because, I’ve been a full time student for 5 years, with lousy contact hours, so have no recent work experience. Very much hoping to change that very soon :)

So there have been times in the past month where I’ve fell victim to negative attitudes and thoughts about myself. I’m turning 25 this year, however I don’t feel that I’ll be turning 25 this year. I feel like I’m 19 turning 20. However focussing on this stupid numerical system of age gets me into this cycle of feeling like I am trapped, or that time is running out. It’s almost like some days I’m just envisioning an hourglass above my head. I already have a chip on my shoulder about how long it’s taking me to get a qualification (plus seeing people in your life move forward whilst you’re lagging a little behind never really makes you feel great) so I keep succumbing to the ‘You should’ve finished already!” “You’re 24 and still no real job?! WTF is wrong with you?” “Maybe it’s time to quit?” “Maybe science isn’t for you?” trainwreck that decides to happen every few days. It sucks to say the least, but it wasn’t until earlier tonight, that reconnecting with an old classmate made me realign my focus and to finally spit on those negative thoughts and just give the world the middle finger if they want to give me grief. I’ll do things at my own pace, and I need to remember that I can’t compare myself with others. We don’t share the same situation, the same background, the same goals, hell, even the same living conditions, so why should I align my ‘success’ along side theirs? There’s a few things I “have” already in my personal life that some people perhaps might envy of me whilst I pine for their professional successes.

Emotional outpour aside, I am still working on preparing to open a little handmade ‘business’ (I use the term loosely, it’s essentially like calling a bake sale a business) of my little crafty doo dads :) I’ve been learning more about polymer clay and have what I need to be working with that. I’m making jewellery, mostly earrings and bracelets at this stage. I want to learn more about wire wrapping and using resin in jewellery. I don’t have a theme, much like I’ve never had a single theme for anything, much like this blog ;), because I’m interested in too many things and want to try everything. I do hope that what I make will blend together, so they don’t look too much like a mixed bag, but maybe that might be of interest? We shall see. Right now I am working on printing my packaging materials, working out international postage from Australia (that’s the biggest headache of all honestly -_-) and figuring out if I should make a business card. I don’t know how I feel about a business card, as I think at this stage it might be overkill. I want to do this properly, but at the same time, take baby steps. The reason it’s taken me 6+ months to even get to the 90% level is because I want this to work. I have a name, but am afraid it will be lack lustre lol Hey, I guess anything is more creative then “insert name here designs”.

Blogging may be a little infrequent in the next few weeks as we have D’s brother staying with us whilst he looks for a new place. I don’t like people around me to know about my blogging, much like the same way you might hide a drawing you’re working on, or close your bedroom door if you want to sing.  I just don’t want to answer any potentially awkward questions xD  So just throwing that out there!

I’ve been trying to keep up with my J and K dramas, but I’m mixing in Frasier too. I’m already up to season 4 of Frasier, and started about 3 weeks ago :)

This should be enough, not sure if anybody would read this xD There’s no pictures, just words. I should’ve made this into a typograhic portrait so it combines text AND a picture. Oh well, maybe next time ;)

Later taters,

Eleni/Ellie/Pugloversupreme